by julia loren

I want to kill myself. I tried to kill myself but they wouldn’t let me. My friends found me and took me to the hospital. Then, when I got out, they took me to some lady’s house. Everyone was singing and talking about what God was saying to them that week. One guy said he was reading the Bible earlier that week and decided that some words in there told him to quit smoking weed and cigarettes. So he did.

I hate my parents and would run away from time to time. Made it to California once. Always went home though. It was the only place I could go. But now, this lady’s house has become home although I don’t live there. We hang out there. We’re a family. At first my mother wondered what kind of cult it was. But recently, she came to our Wednesday night gathering. She liked it. It’s like church outside of church, she said. It’s ok with her now. She sees the change in me. I’m happier. I have friends. God talks to us. We are all getting to know how much God cares about us.

All I ever cared about was myself until I met God. Now, whatever He shows me, I want to share with others.

Acting and art. That’s what we do aside from the Wednesday night gathering. Even then, we sometimes do that on Wednesday night – after we sing. After everyone has a chance to share or sing a song or read a poem. Sometimes, Grace, the lady who owns the house shares something God has shown her for us. Grace takes the stage, sits in a chair and talks. Then others - sitting on the stage or around the room take turns sharing again. Sometimes we go past midnight.

Grace’s kids started bring their friends over and she opened her doors. Everyone was hurting…on some drug or really angry at their parents or church. We find healing here. Grace encourages us to look it up for ourselves in the Bible. She says God’s spirit teaches us directly. Look it up, get the word, pray the word, bring it back to all of us next week. We’re learning.

Hey! Someone’s sister is having a real hard time. I say we invite her to the concert in the park and minister to her. That’s what we do. That’s why we’re here.

I don’t want to kill myself anymore. Nobody can suicide me either…make me kill myself because of what they say. I learned that here at Grace’s house. It seems like I wanted to kill my own pain, not myself. I wanted to get rid of all the pain others caused me. Pain from my dad and my mom. I’ve learned that God wants me to face my pain and wants me to let others pray for me, heal me from it. Now, when I get depressed I say, “Don’t suicide me!” And I rebuke the enemy of my life. The enemy isn’t me. It’s Satan causing me pain. Now I know to say, “don’t suicide me – pain. Go away Satan. God loves me and wants me to live.” It’s a struggle. But everyone here at Grace’s house is with me in this. I am learning to be loved.

About a year ago I visited a friend in mine who had moved to St. Cloud, Minnesota where her husband was to work in a Chiropractic training center initiated by her brother-in-law. The spiritual climate was, well, cold in that part of the country and far from all that they knew and loved about their former Vineyard church and renewal experience. Looking for alternatives to established churches, they wandered into the home of a woman who was known to open her doors to the young adults of the area. I went with them one night and was amazed by what I saw and heard – a little bit of which I wrote in the paragraphs above. It is nothing less than the new model of church for the new generation that we have all been looking for.

The woman’s name is, fittingly enough, Grace. Her house, a big, purple, old house along a main road in town is accessible to everyone. The living room had been cleared out to create a small stage along the front wall facing the street. Lots of couches and chairs lay scattered about.  On Wednesday nights it would be full of young adults, tattooed, pierced in all manner of places seen and unseen, retro-Gothic clothing, shaved heads on teenage faces, an occasional parent listening in smiling but uncomfortable as they listened to the honesty exposed by these “kids”.

Although Grace seems like the pastor, she acts more like a facilitator, acknowledging and affirming the group ever sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit as she listens to each one share. She challenges the kids to come up with their own answers and share them with the group. The only caveat is that the answer be from the Word and they pray about what God is saying to them. 

They listen to one another, offer correction, words of hope and encouragement, become the family they never experienced, a family based on the principles of Christian community. In fact, they seem to have found the model of Christian community. In the process, they learn the Bible, breathe God in and blow Him gently upon those who don’t know Him or are struggling to understand.

Wednesday night gatherings are their church. The Holy Spirit leads them and Grace brings up the rear…praying for individuals, interceding on their behalf, speaking prophetic words that bring life to their spirit and healing to their souls.  She lets them learn directly at the feet of Jesus, grow up and give it all away.  In the process, these young adults are healing. Their gifts come to the forefront as they share on Wednesday nights and live out the Presence of God throughout the week.

To many young adults the church model of Sunday morning is dead. There is no relationship, no healing, no extended love in that model.  So, they band together and become authentic people, authentic Christians, stumbling all over one another and lifting one another up. 

            As a result of visiting Grace’s house, I believe that Grace and these young adults have discovered a model of healing discipleship that we can all learn from.   

I also believe that the word of the Lord to us older Christians is “Don’t suicide me.” Don’t kill off what God is birthing in young adults or cause them to kill it. Let the new models emerge! Forget your ministry titles and church positions. It’s time to get out of the way and encourage young adults to think for themselves – base it on the Word and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. Then stand back. They’ll take over the streets. They may even take over the world.