Confessions of a God Fan

One of the problems I encounter when I aspire to seek after God is that often I end up merely seeking after myself. In spite of the fact that His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways – not to mention that we don’t look that much alike – I still sometimes find it hard to tell the difference between what is God and what is just me. I have also found that often I seem to be much easier to find; wherever I look for God, there I seem to be, ready for the attention.

Our need for God is so great that it should consume our lives, and in reality it does consume our lives, but we may not recognize it as such. Whether we fill our lives with God or with something else, it is this very need – this emptiness, or “God-shaped hole” – that drives us. However, rather than propelling us outward in search of Him who meets our needs, our needs often send us in circles. Like the old joke about the baseball pitcher who was so bad that in frustration he threw the ball to the ground and missed, our aim is really bad. Probably more correctly, our ability to focus on the target is really bad; rather than letting God fill our need, our need becomes our God.

We who are Christians all know of our need for God. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be Christians in the first place. But let’s take a look at the phrase, “our need for God.” In this seemingly simple, straightforward phrase, two opposing principles – “our need” and “for God” – are defined. Each wants dominance. We can emphasize one or the other, but not both. Those of you who can think ahead have probably already gotten my point, but keep reading, if only to be polite.

These two principles are at work as we search for more of God in our lives. Over the last 30 years our culture has grown so terribly “our need” oriented that it is not surprising if, when we consider our need for God, that it is our need itself that becomes the central focus. We have seen how evangelism has often taken this approach, presenting the Gospel as any other marketable product or service, as the answer to a felt need. This is not completely bad, because the truth of course is that God is the answer to all of our needs. But, if we continue to focus our meeting our needs, do we ever really find God, or do we just get more and more in touch with our need?

Let me interject at this point that we all require God’s grace in order to find God. And, as we only see and know in part, in this life we are never, ever really able to purely focus on God. In no way do I mean to discount God's grace or to put too much emphasis on our own efforts. However, if it is still true that God grants us the desires of our heart (Ps. 37:4), I think it warrants our consideration as to whether we are focused on God, or merely on our needs.

The “for God” clause helps to clarify this issue, at least in my muddled brain. If we play around with sentence structure a bit, and make "for God" the subject (English majors, forgive me), all of a sudden we are pointed in the proper direction. Our need is not intended to serve only us; it is intended to point us to God, for God's purpose.

However, if we focus on our need we are not for God, we are "for me." What we are saying is, “I need God, because God’s purpose is to serve me.” I may really, truly appreciate what God does for me, and may love God for what He does for me. But, could I actually be worshipping myself?

Do chocolate lovers really love chocolate? I mean, would they die for chocolate, even if it meant they would never eat any themselves? People may appear to worship many things – money, power, sex, knowledge – but in reality, I don’t think anyone really worships these things. People only value these things because of what they do for them. It all points back to self. Would people worship money, even if it didn’t benefit them? I don’t think so.

I fear that the same principle is at work in some of our modern worship of God. I think it is possible for us to love God (for what He does for us) without truly worshipping Him. Perhaps we need to ask ourselves if we really worship God – that is, if we are placing God before our needs – or if we only value God’s benefit in our lives.

Some of us came to God originally because we recognized we had a need. At this point in our lives, we are only in touch with our need and it only by God’s grace and His Spirit that we can get beyond that, and even recognize God as the One Who Meets Needs. However, we soon need to graduate from this and begin to focus on serving God. I think that the process of becoming a disciple is essentially that process of shifting our focus away from “our need” to “for God.”

I think the Bible is clear that our purpose, both now and for eternity, is to do the will of God. The Bible is also very clear that if we do that, God will provide for our needs. Consider the lilies of the field – In Matthew 6:28-34, Jesus says that if we seek first (before our needs) the Kingdom of God (that is, to do the will of God and to have His rule in our lives), that all of our needs will be met. This simple verse sets the pattern for how we should seek God. We do not seek God to have our needs met; this is putting our needs first. We instead are to seek God and His Kingdom, and have our needs met in the process.

The question is not only with what will we fill our needs,

but also how we are to fill our needs.

The Lord’s Prayer also serves as a model for us in how to pray for our needs. We first pray, “Thy will be done,” then “give us this day …” Jesus also told us not to be anxious about tomorrow, as God knows what we need. In other words, we are not to worry about how God will meet our needs. We are to give God complete discretion on how that will be done.

Paul knew that God was able to supply all of our needs. This was the same Paul who said that he had learned to be content, whether in abundance or in need (and he said them both in Philippians, chapter 4). Now why would Paul have to learn to be content in need, if God was supplying all of his needs? Perhaps Paul, too, had to learn to put his focus on God, and not on his own needs. Perhaps it is only when we are in need of something that we can ever tell what it is that we are truly seeking. Perhaps that is why Jesus said how hard it was for the rich to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Paul had learned that whether in abundance or in need, it was all “for God.” I think that is where true satisfaction lies.

Our needs demand attention. I recall from one of my old science classes that "nature abhors a vacuum.” In other words, God has created the world so that any empty space demands to be filled. It’s a good system. If our needs were not so demanding, we could ignore them, and we would all probably die. The question is not whether or not our needs will be filled, because they will be, with something. The question is not only with what will we fill our needs, but also how we are to fill our needs.

So I can either choose to feed my needs (putting my needs first), or I can choose to have them satisfied (by putting God first). Feeding a need never really satisfies it; typically feeding anything causes it to grow. My needs will continue to demand to be fed, becoming an addiction, unless I allow God to fully satisfy my need. Then I think we will be able to say with Paul, “I have learned to be content in whatever state I am in.”

The quest continues.

Alden Swan

March 28, 2000